Transitions

The day before Thanksgiving I placed my dad in a skilled nursing facility. What an emotional roller coaster! God is big and prayer works. God was so present and directed my decisions.

I placed him in the nursing home where my mother died. They took good care of her there but more than that my Dad went back there for over three years to take candy to the staff. Dad readily agreed to go to that nursing facility. Once we got there several people recognized him and that made all the difference. Thanksgiving night he told me he felt relieved. He had gotten scared and knew he was not safe in the house but he did not know what to do.

We had one of those conversations you have when you are running out of time. He told me I deserved everything I had because I had worked so hard and that he had always been proud of me. I told him how much I loved him and how hard it was to leave him.

The morning I left I was up at 4:30AM to get ready and go find him a new shaver and these thin, white socks he wanted. The CNA shaved him for the first time in at least a week. She put his bright blue sweater on him and with a clean shave, those blue eyes and his white hair he looked wonderful. The last thing he said to me as I walked out of his room is ‘I love you more than anything in this world.’

That’s a long way from when I was in my early 20’s. I was daddy’s little girl but once I grew up it got so difficult. My dad and I fought all the time then. We saw the world so different and neither one of us would give an inch. My mom used to say ‘both you and your father have passed up many an opportunity to let the other one have the last word.’

The gift is that my mother died first. If dad had died first he and I would not have the relationship we have today. There have been times over the past eleven years since mom died that it has not been easy with dad. Especially the year or two as his health deteriorated and his isolation got so bad.

I am going to try and bring him to Texas if his health holds out. He has agreed to come. I want him close to me so I can make sure he is getting the care he needs.

I know that even if he is here in Houston there is a chance I will not be there when he dies but I don’t want him to die halfway across the country. It just doesn't seem right.

Second Time Shame On Me

I have had faith in God all my life. Decades though separated my active participation in organized religion. The separation was an outcome of my being excommunicated from the Mormon Church for being a lesbian. It was a huge loss. I missed being a part of a faith community. A part of me felt like it was missing.

A little over five years ago I started attending the United Methodist Church. It has added so much to my life. I have come to love so many wonderful people. I feel blessed. My faith has challenged me. It has moved me to be a better person. It has changed me.

The UMC won’t excommunicate me for being a lesbian - they just won’t allow me full participation. The UMC just thinks that I am is incompatible with Christian teaching.

There are thousands and thousands who disagree with the UMC stance on homosexuality. There are thousands and thousands who do agree with the UMC stance though. Sadder, there are thousands and thousands in the UMC who stand on the sideline and don’t take a stand.

Why do I stay? Wasn’t it enough to belong to one church that could not embrace and celebrate who I am? What does it say about me that I have allowed it to happen again?

Shakespeare’s words ‘to thine own self be true’ mean a great deal to me. I am not sure anymore if I know how to make them alive in my life.