Whew! I Needed That...

There are days when I am just not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

These past few months it has felt like I am a 45 RPM recording that is being played at 33 RPM. I have been watching endless amounts of television, but not necessarily absorbing anything or being inordinately entertained. My house looks like a Midwestern tornado landed and I have not done a thing with any of the boxes I brought back from my parent’s home in California.

It dawned on me last week – out the blue mind you – that I am depressed (LMAO)! I guess it didn’t occur to me that I wouldn’t be able to bypass the grief process surrounding the death of my father and all the emotions surrounding having both of my parents gone.

I have been the busy little bee since the middle of last year. All of it necessary given that I was my father’s primary caretaker and the trustee of his estate – but distracting in a way nonetheless. Well this little bee just got flat worn out. I am just very, very sad and I will be that way until I am not.

The good news is that I have gotten off my own back about not ‘doing’ enough and am just letting myself be. Amazing, it actually helped me feel a little better when I was able to do that for myself.

The other thing that brought me back to the present moment was the death of Tim Russert – what a huge loss and what a premature one. Don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to discount my father’s life or his death, but he was 86 and in poor health and mentally failing and it was time for him to let go. But Tim Russert was 58 – that’s a year younger than me! What a great man he was – genuine, warm, passionate, engaged.

We only have today, don’t we? I knew that but Tim’s death brought it home again – like a slap in the face. We only have today. We only have today; period, end of story.

Makes me want to have today and every day I am blessed with be as rich, as authentic, and loving as possible.