Infinite Possibilities

Last weekend I had the opportunity to go to Minneapolis and 'tell my story' at an AA Roundup. No, there were no horses, ropes or cowboys! (Or cowgirls for that matter). In AA we often call the conferences we organize Roundups. This particular Roundup was sponsored by the GLBT recovering community in Minneapolis.

The energy was palpable and number of young people overwhelming. I had forgotten not only what it was like to be early in sobriety but what it was like to that young. I DO mean young. A lot of these kids were 21 or 22. Yes, they really can be alcoholics and addicts at that age. Crystal meth addiction is ravaging this country without respect to age, gender, income, or sexual orientation.

I wish so much for these kids. I have my ‘issues’ and my sorrows, but my life in sobriety has been a blessing.

I am not one of these alcoholics who thinks that those who are blessed enough to get sober – and stay sober, one day at a time, are chosen or particularly special. I don’t know that I will ever understand why I was lucky enough to get it and keep it. I believe that all of us who need to get clean and sober have a moment of clarity where we see the path ahead of us and we have to choose which fork to take. In that moment of clarity, which really is sometimes just a moment, our whole history and all its voices are talking at the same time. I have never been comfortable chalking that up to divine providence.

There was a dance the night we got there. Oh, did I tell you – five of my friends went with me. We run in a pack and hate to miss anything. See why I feel blessed? Anyway, the music was loud, contemporary, and there was a very edgy drag queen who was the DJ. The kids danced non-stop, sweating non-stop as well (that’s a whole other story). They were a delight to watch.

Did I feel old watching them? Oh I guess so but more than that I just felt tickled. They full of energy and sexuality to be sure but they had their innocence back. You could see it in their eyes. They had back the kind of innocence that only alcohol and drug addiction can take from you. It steals your soul and breaks your heart and the heart of everyone who loves you.

I pray that they never lose it. I pray that their moment of clarity will bring them all that mine has brought me.