How does the saying go? "Humankind makes plans and God laughs." My plan was to go to California between Christmas and New Years and start getting my Dad’s house ready to sell. The first week in January I was going to go back and bring Dad back to Texas. I even found the facility where I was going to have him live.
The pressure sores my Dad had when he went into the nursing home kept getting worse and he got a MRSA infection. He was admitted to the hospital and they discovered from an arteriogram that his veins are like spaghetti. The circulation was so bad there was no way even with antibiotics that the infection would heal. If he was going to live they needed to amputate his leg just above the knee.
I would not give consent until I could get there and talk to my Dad. He was lucid and clear and he knew what was happening and wanted them to do the amputation. He has never been quite as lucid and coherent since that moment. They amputated his leg that night.
He was transferred to a nursing rehab facility Saturday. It is very large and institutional. It is loud and busy with patients, staff and family. There are a lot of patients there who are missing legs, paralyzed, stroke victims unable to talk. It is real and unattractive. I hate it. I am painfully aware that is so all about me.
They are doing all they can for my Dad. He is seldom coherent and he is not eating enough and he does not want to sit up or get out of bed. He has another bad sore on his right heel now. He has sores on his behind.
He knows who I am though and in those rare, ever so brief moments when he is coherent and present, my hope soars. Just as quickly he leaves again into his hallucinations and sleep and my hope evaporates.
Christmas Eve was one of the hardest days I have ever walked through. I knew it would pass and I knew I would not feel that sad and that alone forever. Christmas Day has been better but it was a long 24 hours getting there.
I tell my Dad it is okay to let go and I pray for God to help him. Maybe I am just being selfish but it is hard to watch him deteriorate.
God is big though and all is fundamentally well.
December 26, 2007
December 6, 2007
Heartbreak in Conroe
Several weeks ago Conroe First United Methodist Church, with approval from Bishop Janice Riggle Huie, placed their Senior Pastor on sabbatical until he can be appointed to another church. They did this because he and his wife refused to forsake their gay son. It was necessary for me to express my thoughts and feelings to Bishop Huie about these events. Here is my letter to her:
Dear Bishop Huie,
I have been a member of Bering Memorial UMC since 2002. When I joined the UMC I did so with full knowledge of the discriminatory and heartbreaking language of the Book of Discipline regarding homosexuality. I joined because I believed in my heart and my mind that the UMC wanted to do the right thing and would eventually embrace all people as full members in the Body of Christ. As a result of the events at Conroe First UMC, and your apparent support of those events, I am no longer convinced that the people of the UMC or those in authority want to move forward into a world where we treat all people as Christ taught us.
Years ago I served the Mormon Church as a fulltime missionary. I spent many hours ‘bible bashing’ as it related to which church was right. I have no intention of engaging in that endeavor today as it relates to homosexuality. I know my truth and I know that we fear what we do not understand and that as human beings in order to believe we are enough we find it necessary to condemn others.
I was excommunicated by the Mormon Church for being a lesbian. It was a crushing blow that impacted my life for decades. When I got sober in Alcoholics Anonymous it started me on a spiritual path that eventually enabled me to once again embrace my faith and belief in Jesus Christ. The last five plus years at Bering have been transformational for me. I believe I was called to be a part of Bering and recently I believe I have been called to ministry – I am still discerning how that ministry might be made present in the world.
My struggle is that I do not know how to tell the Good News to those I love in the GLBT recovery community. This is a community that has been so damaged by the world, organized religion, and in many cases their own families. Many are un-churched, but, sadly, more of them want nothing to do with Christianity. They see it as discriminatory, elitist, and divisive.
How do I invite them to experience Bering and the UMC? Do I tell them that they can find open hearts, open minds, open doors at Bering but I can’t promise them that if they venture outside of Bering into the UMC as a whole that they won’t be greeted with discrimination and disdain? Do I tell them that they can become a disciple of Jesus Christ at Bering but they can’t be an ordained minister? Do I tell them that we will support them in embracing a committed, monogamous partnership but we can’t celebrate that union in our sanctuary and that our pastor cannot bless their union either? Even more tragic do I tell them that the UMC, as evidenced at Conroe First UMC, supports their own parents in forsaking them?
I don’t know what else to say Bishop Huie. I feel like my words fall on deaf ears. I write to you though because I need to stand up and speak my truth. I love Bering and I love so many things about the UMC. Today though, I hang my head in shame. I pray that my heart will find a way to forgive and move forward.
Dear Bishop Huie,
I have been a member of Bering Memorial UMC since 2002. When I joined the UMC I did so with full knowledge of the discriminatory and heartbreaking language of the Book of Discipline regarding homosexuality. I joined because I believed in my heart and my mind that the UMC wanted to do the right thing and would eventually embrace all people as full members in the Body of Christ. As a result of the events at Conroe First UMC, and your apparent support of those events, I am no longer convinced that the people of the UMC or those in authority want to move forward into a world where we treat all people as Christ taught us.
Years ago I served the Mormon Church as a fulltime missionary. I spent many hours ‘bible bashing’ as it related to which church was right. I have no intention of engaging in that endeavor today as it relates to homosexuality. I know my truth and I know that we fear what we do not understand and that as human beings in order to believe we are enough we find it necessary to condemn others.
I was excommunicated by the Mormon Church for being a lesbian. It was a crushing blow that impacted my life for decades. When I got sober in Alcoholics Anonymous it started me on a spiritual path that eventually enabled me to once again embrace my faith and belief in Jesus Christ. The last five plus years at Bering have been transformational for me. I believe I was called to be a part of Bering and recently I believe I have been called to ministry – I am still discerning how that ministry might be made present in the world.
My struggle is that I do not know how to tell the Good News to those I love in the GLBT recovery community. This is a community that has been so damaged by the world, organized religion, and in many cases their own families. Many are un-churched, but, sadly, more of them want nothing to do with Christianity. They see it as discriminatory, elitist, and divisive.
How do I invite them to experience Bering and the UMC? Do I tell them that they can find open hearts, open minds, open doors at Bering but I can’t promise them that if they venture outside of Bering into the UMC as a whole that they won’t be greeted with discrimination and disdain? Do I tell them that they can become a disciple of Jesus Christ at Bering but they can’t be an ordained minister? Do I tell them that we will support them in embracing a committed, monogamous partnership but we can’t celebrate that union in our sanctuary and that our pastor cannot bless their union either? Even more tragic do I tell them that the UMC, as evidenced at Conroe First UMC, supports their own parents in forsaking them?
I don’t know what else to say Bishop Huie. I feel like my words fall on deaf ears. I write to you though because I need to stand up and speak my truth. I love Bering and I love so many things about the UMC. Today though, I hang my head in shame. I pray that my heart will find a way to forgive and move forward.
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