On December 27th my Dad was transported to the ER. He had not been improving since the surgery. He was still not really eating and was having a real problem swallowing. I had asked the day before that the HMO be contacted about hospice. The need for hospice became even more apparent once his blood pressure fell and his heartbeat became so erratic. I was trying not to act like Shirley McClaine in Terms of Endearment but it was not easy. It is odd, to say the least, to have a conversation with a doctor about procedures to discontinue, like antibiotics and IV fluids, knowing that the end result will be to hasten your father's death. I knew it was time. I don't know if my father thought it was time, but he appeared to have lost the ability to help himself get better. There were so many things getting worse. Arrangements were finally made to transfer him to inpatient hospice on the 28th.
The same day Dad was transferred to Hospice two of my friends, Lisa and Allen, flew in from Houston to help me get the house ready to sell. They saved my life. I had been dealing with everything alone for almost ten days and I was about to just slide onto the ground in a heap. They worked their tails off helping me and they loved me, laughed with me, and cried with me. Lisa stayed until the day after Dad died. She walked the whole way with me.
On the 31st the hospice nurse said that dad was lingering and asked me if he was waiting to see someone or if there was anything not finished. I had told dad before it was okay to go but he was still lingering. After talking with the nurse I leaned close to dad’s ear, stroking his hair and his shoulders and told him again it was ok to go, that it was time to rest and be with mom. I told him I was fine and so was Stephen and that he had been such a good husband, father and man.
About two hours later his condition changed and he began dying. It took another four hours and I was blessed to be with him the entire time. My cousin and her husband were also there as well as my best friend. He died as peacefully as possible at 7:12 PM.
I will miss my father more than I can express. These last eleven years the only person he let close, let help him was me. I am and always will be his “baby girl”, his “sweetheart”. He relished his independence but first he failed his driver's license test and then he had the stroke. He knew he had lost his independence and he became so depressed. His will to live just slowly evaporated. For his sake I am glad the pain and sadness are over.
I would like to believe that my mom, his parents and brothers and sister are all welcoming him home today. He was the baby and the last to die.
It is fitting he died on New Years Eve. He was the good time, party guy – no one could touch him.
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2 comments:
Wow.
Bless you and your family.
L - you've been in my thoughts and prayers over these last few months. You are so special and so dear. I am so glad your dad had you to be with him in his last hours.
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