Relentless

My congregation has created a Visioning Community charged with leading Bering in discerning and implementing God’s vision. As Council Chair I am a part of that community. We met yesterday and midst food and fellowship had a great conversation about a host of topics. I realized though that when it comes to my relationship with Christianity and the church, I still have a tendency to ‘see’ myself based on the way the Christian world has ‘seen’ me for so many years – as a lesbian. Funny, I don’t carry that primary identifier into any other area of my life. In most instances I think of myself first as human and then usually as a woman. Depending on the circumstances I might add to that recovering alcoholic, lesbian, or Christian.

Over the past week I have coincidentally watched several documentaries that helped me recognize and understand where that reality was developed. One is for the BIBLE tells me so, which powerfully explores current and continued religious anti-gay bias in the United States. I also watched One Nation Under God, an older film, yet still valid today about conversion therapy for gays and lesbians. Last I watched Dangerous Living which explores the lives of gay and lesbian people in non-western cultures.

When I finished watching these documentaries I was awash in sadness and overwhelmed by the reality that I have been at the mercy of a kind of relentless abuse my entire life. No wonder I still have a tendency to look over my shoulder. Still sadder though is the reality that the only time I still look over my shoulder is when I am involved in church.