An Authentic and Intentional Life

In August of 2008 I started graduate school at Perkins School of Theology which is a part of Southern Methodist University. I am in a Masters of Divinity program. An M.Div is the degree for folks who plan on being ordained ministers. The M.Div. is a significantly more extensive program than most master's degrees. In the United States the degree usually consists of well over 80 semester hours, as opposed to the usual 36 or 48.

Yup, I want to be an ordained minister. Can’t really tell you what that looks like right now but God is big and God has brought me to this point and I trust will take me the rest of the way (as long as I show up, pay attention, tell the truth, and let go of the outcome…).

One of the women I started the program with invited me to join a covenant group of other women in the program. The group is lead by an ordained minister. The woman who invited me to join is now in Dallas going to Perkins full time. We invited three other women in our program to join us.

The group is the kind of deal that unless you gonna tell truth there is no point in going. Kinda defeats the purpose. When we meet we all answer these questions:

• How is it with your soul?
• Where is God working in your life?
• Where are you resisting God's work in your life/what obstacles are you experiencing to God's work in your life?

Pretty big questions. Sometimes I wonder which helps me more – my being honest or the honesty of the other women in the group.

The other night when we met I shared that I felt unsettled. For the past 20+ years my friends in 12-Step recovery have been my anchor. In addition to that I found great support from my old church and my parents. Both of my parents are gone, I am attending a different church now, and because of school I am becoming more distant from my posse in AA. It is unsettling. More than that though is the fact that I often don’t know what to say to my 12-Step friends when I am around them because my life is full of things that do not interest most of them.

In many ways I feel closer to the women in my covenant group than anyone else. I really don’t know them that well yet, and asking them for support is hard. I want more than anything though to live an authentic and intentional life – present in the moment for every bit of it. Even the uncomfortable stuff…

It is just unsettling. I have never been here before and I can’t clearly see the path ahead of me. I have to trust the process.

So there it is – I have put it out there. Whew! Sure makes it more manageable when I do.